You useless piece of shit.

When my Dad got that GPS system for our car last year, our days of stopping to ask for directions were over. Or so I thought. Sure, I’ve heard people blab on about how “time saving” and “revolutionary” and “awesome” and “convenient” GPS systems are. But I disagree. I think it’s a useless piece of shit. And I’d be more than happy to tell you why.

So I sit down in the car. And my dad usually hands me a piece of paper with an address on it. Then he yanks the GPS off the dashboard and tells me to key in the address. The GPS we have is a touch screen little fucker. So I start entering and I hit the button that says “Map route”. In a couple seconds this “revolutionary” device maps out the whole route and starts talking… “Starting route guidance.”

Which leads me to my first problem. The voice. The fucking GPS voice. It sounds like a monotone bitch who won’t stop talking until you listen to what it’s saying. We’re driving down the street and the thing keeps going “Turn right in 200km” then about 1 second later it says, “Turn right in 190km”… “Turn right in 150km”..

YOU TOLD ME TO TURN RIGHT. ONCE IS ENOUGH. SHUT THE FUCK UP. Maybe the voice wouldn’t bother me as much if it was a natural human voice.. but this thing sounds like a fucking single-toned alarm clock.

But that’s not even the bad part. So then we drive into downtown. Now, if you know anything about downtown.. it’s chaotic. Probably one of the hardest places to drive. Which is why having your “handy-dandy” GPS is such a “blessing”. Or so I thought.

The streets of downtown Toronto are extremely difficult to drive in because of all the road restrictions. Some roads you’re allowed to turn left but other roads you aren’t. Some roads are only one ways, and others aren’t. Some roads you’re allowed to turn right, but others you aren’t. Here’s the problem: The GPS doesn’t know about any of these restrictions.

The GPS goes “Turn right on King street”.. so then my poor father, with much difficulty, gets the car into the right lane. Then we come up to King street and there’s that fucking sign which means “no right turn allowed.”

My reaction goes something like this:

Then we end up driving around in circles cause the GPS tries to get us back to King street, and keeps saying “turn right on King Street, turn right on King street”. NO. You stupid piece of shit. If we turn right, we get fined. Or even better, we get in an accident. CONGRATULATIONS. And then I end up asking for directions. Story of my life.

February 6, 2010 » Filed in: Anger, Annoying, Technology, WTF?